Self Care - it's tricky!
Self care - it’s tricky! On the one hand it’s a phrase most of us are very familiar with - we UNDERSTAND self care to be an important aspect of our own health and wellbeing journey. We KNOW there are a bunch of things we can do which help to lift or shift our mood, relieve stress and light up our internal flame and we are fully AWARE of the steps we could take…going for a walk in nature, indulging in delightful beauty care routines, breathing deeply, mindful meditation and movement even having a bubble bath. We have a full understanding that by carving some time out for ourselves, to take care of ourselves, that we can fill up our own cup and that this in turn, can have powerful and important positive impacts on our overall health and wellbeing BUT…
Yep, there is a ‘but’ and maybe this is an unpopular opinion (I’m sharing it anyway!)...this whole self care thing can feel like a big pain in the arse chore, another ‘thing’ to add to the to-do list, another responsibility, another bloody thing to try to fit into that already overwhelmed mind, a burden!
Instead of feeling good, adding self care practices, can feel a little like an expectation to…DO MORE!
Drawing on my own experience, self care practices are far easier to lean into when I’m already feeling ok. But when I’ve been in a state of burnout, exhaustion, in chronic pain, sleep deprived and overworked, it is so much more of a challenge to find the space for self care. Just the idea of taking on or being responsible for ONE. MORE. THING…even when I KNOW it will be beneficial, can feel like too much!
In these times, what I actually want is to have space held for me, to be taken care of, to be supported, instructed and nurtured…I want someone else to make me dinner, I want someone else to put me in the bath, I want someone else to think of the self care thing that I most need in that moment and instruct me every step of the way. I want to let go, to not make any decisions, I want to feel loved and supported and to be honest a little bit pampered. By the time we are in the place of burnout, exhaustion and overwhelm…self care practices feel a little like bullshit! A tokenistic, empty and pointless attempt to feel better.
The potential for the term ‘self care’ to do more harm than good is real, there is this unspoken expectation for us to deal with our own exhaustion, distress and mental and physical care on our own, which only serves to add to the distress we may already be experiencing. I want to acknowledge that if the level of overwhelm and distress has catapulted you into the realms of depression and anxiety, you should absolutely not deal with these mental health issues on your own and that seeking appropriate help from health professionals trained to support you is imperative. I would also like to acknowledge that you don’t need to wait until the point of absolute overwhelm, burnout and mental health issues before leaning into support for those self care practices and you can absolutely seek practices where space is held for you, where you feel supported and don’t have to make all the decisions on your own.
Start with something small, maybe experiment with adding just one self care practice into your day or week. It might help to begin with a practice where space can be held for you, listening to a guided meditation (there are loads on apps like insight timer or where you can find guided practices perfect for those just starting out on a self care journey), attend a yoga class where you are guided through your practice, consciously breathing for a few minutes before you get out of bed.
I don’t think self care in and of itself is tricky, but the approach to self-care practice matters. Self care works when you start small, be gentle with yourself, practice consistency and approach with a sense of curiosity and lightheartedness. If you are feeling pressured, overwhelmed or feel like adding self-care practices is just another chore, get comfortable with the uncomfortable practice of leaning into support, of asking others for help, of giving yourself permission to start something new with guidance and as part of a community in any way that feels right for you. Look out for a nurturing therapist, coach or yoga and meditation teacher. These people are trained to hold space for you, to help support and empower you to heal, to grow and thrive.
Attempting to introduce self care when you are already burnt out, exhausted and overwhelmed requires support, a gentle approach and a willingness to lean into the idea of seeking help, as you build confidence and start to feel your cup filling back up, you can then begin to explore other self care activities which over time, will absolutely help you to lift or shift your mood, relieve stress and light up your own internal flame.
Be kind to you my friend.
Kerry x
