Are you in a rut? Redefine your definition of success and rediscover joy

Article theme: Elevate Play - 7min read

Fact: Adulting is fun when you are a young fresh adult with so many possibilities on the horizon, oh the things you could achieve, the heights of success you could reach, so many things you could do!

Fact: Adulting after you’ve been at it for a while (lets say 40+) is hard and can feel stressful, uninspiring and like you are stuck in a rut!

When we are feeling stuck in a rut we might consider what needs to change to unstick ourselves….what else can we ‘do’ at work or in our life to improve our value, to demonstrate our worth. To prove my success to myself and maybe others…what more can I possibly DO!?

With this mindset we fall into the trap of thinking that to get us out of the rut we must change something in our external world, channel our energy into working towards being better at something, we want to be recognised for our success and we hope that this achievement will bring us a little joy, yet more often than not this kind of success just doesn’t cut it anymore, it becomes kind of, well, boring.

Here is an uncomfortable news flash: By thinking that to enjoy our lives, to feel good again, we have to repeat the same kind of behaviour that made us feel good back when we were young, fresh adults - that we need to be striving, hustling, winning is the very thing that is keeping us stuck!

Achieving the thing, busting the sales target, winning the award, getting the promotion, prepping the best cake stall entry for the kids mothers day stall at school…whatever the goal or the achievement is not relevant, what is relevant is that you have noticed that it’s not working for you anymore. Being the most successful and the best at the thing no longer brings you joy…winning no longer feels like success, mastery feels more like being stuck in a rut! I am in my 40s and I am hearing this more and more, friends who say they no longer feel the same joy from the striving and success, they no longer feel connected to their passion or just don’t feel passionate about it anymore!

It got me thinking, that somewhere along the way we forgot that the joy comes from the curiosity, the learning and playing! When did we exchange curiosity, discovery and exploration with surety, comfort, outcomes and status? When did we decide that this is how we define success in our life?

We form the habit of defining our worth by how successful we are in the things we do and how that is perceived in the world!

We are no longer curious, we are just here to win the race, we are no longer experimenting, we just want to know that the effort will result in the outcome we desire, we are no longer playing!

We are stuck!

Here’s the thing I have noticed about how this stuck-ness manifests:

Psychological: Our mood can be low, depressive symptoms and negative self talk,

Physical: Our body feels stiffer, achy in the morning, sluggish, low energy, low motivation to move and play. Chronic pain and subsequent referred pain increases, trigger points (knots) seem to hang around or develop as fascia pain, tightness and tension, adhesions form and our range of motion is impacted. We move slower, we may even begin to notice other symptoms like hormonal imbalances (think cortisol and dopamine) and other physical symptoms such as insomnia, digestive issues, and pain in the body without an obvious source,

Social: We become bored and disconnected from our social circles, from the people we love as an underlying sense of discontent emerges, even in social situations you may feel like you are on the outer, not part of the group and not really interested or connected to the conversation,

Emotional: Frustration, resentment, boredom, sadness and feelings of anxiety can start to creep in - stress is a biggie here! We feel like we are stuck in a cycle of trying and burning out, and we might feel guilty that we are not grateful for the life we have, yet we know that there is something missing, something not quite right.

Spiritually: Our sense of joy, awe and wonder is dulled, we might even lose trust or faith in our own beliefs and values and the world feels a little blah!

So what can we do to get un-stuck!

What if we shifted our definition of success from proving ourselves, from achieving and accomplishing to having a beginner’s mind, to learning, curiosity and play!

In yoga, one of the principles (in Pantanjali’s yoga sutra) is svadhyaya, the principle of self study. This principle invites us to turn our attention inward, to become curious, to be open to learning, to become a beginner.

When we give ourselves permission to learn without a goal to achieve perfection, make it our life’s work or become the best that we can be…we embrace the spirit of learning from a joyful, playful place!

When we shift our definition of success from what can I achieve (skill/task) to what can I learn (explore/adventure) we awaken our creativity and rediscover our own inner joy!

Our own yoga practice provides us with the tools to help open us up to joyful exploration and self study….each and every time we arrive on the mat, we are invited to show up with a beginners mind but this is also where it can be a tricky, we fall back into those habits of judging, expecting and striving for perfection, to be ‘good’ at yoga.

Oh if I had a dollar for every time someone said to me: ‘I’m not good at yoga’ 😉

(My response is always this by the way: ‘There is no such thing as ‘GOOD’ at yoga’ )

Your yoga practice is always a curious exploration, we arrive maybe knowing it will be a slow flow, and maybe we have practiced these shapes before but we do not know or can not predict what we will learn about ourselves on this day, in this class.

This is especially true if you are coming to yoga for the first time, and if that is you, I invite you to step onto the mat each and every time with an intention of playful curiosity, let go of the intention of being successful at yoga (cos remember - that’s not a thing!) and instead let your experience be a playful adventure.

The added bonus of a yoga practice in helping you to embrace svadhyaya, (self study) and learning is there are tools packaged up in the practice - the somatic, breath work and meditation elements that support your body and mind to become unstuck and create space for curiosity and learning 🤷‍♀️

🤔 Notice how we call yoga a practice and not a skill 😉

There are of course so many other ways you can start to shift into a beginners mind, even if yoga isn’t your thing, it doesn’t matter if it is an art class, the environment, baking, surfing, travel, anatomy, flower arranging, culture…the actual subject matter doesn’t matter but if you show up giving yourself full permission to say ‘I don’t know but I am here on this adventure to explore and learn’ you will rediscover joy!

Embrace a beginners mind, sign up for that class, ask the question, book the ticket…step into the unknown - just for the purpose of learning, just to play, just for fun!

Happy playing 💕😊

Kerry x.